I don't see things in black and white. I'm not a yes or no person. I don't believe you must either hate or love something.
I see things in hues of grey. I'm a yes, but or a no, because person. I believe people have mixed feelings about things.
I don't make my friends choose between people. There are no sides!! Its "this is how I feel", make your own decisions, but if you want to know why I feel that way - ask and I will tell. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to make you all feel the same way I do. I'm not going to talk bad about you every time someone mentions you. I'm not going to bring down a party or feel self pity because people are talking to you more than me. I'm not going to Not invite people because they hang out with you more often.
Actually if I dislike you I will first A) try to tell you how I feel, B) watch to see how you react, C) try to move on hoping that by telling you how I feel you will try to (not change!) but be courteous of my feelings the way I am about yours, D) Start distancing myself from you because I don't want to be around you or don't have anything nice to say, E) completely cut my self off from you.
I am a venting, honest and blunt person. If people ask why I am doing the above things I will tell them. If they feel differently and want to hang out with you... then good! Just because I feel a certain way doesn't mean everyone else has to. I wont get jealous or angry or feel self pity. I will be happy that my friends have their own feelings and I will support them.
Why am I lecturing about this??
There is a person that I feel does these things. And because they do it, they assume I'm doing it too, but I'm not. I haven't intentionally not invited them somewhere and when something has happened and they haven't been there I felt bad or suggested we should have at least invited them. When I haven't invited them it was due to the fact I knew they had other plans. I haven't said rude things in hope others "sided" with me, I simply told them how I felt and why.
However, I do feel bad because after I mentioned the way I felt, some others started to feel the same way. I felt like they all started to want to talk about how they felt too. That isn't cool, a gang up kind of thing. I don't think anyone intended on it feeling like that, but I can see how outsiders might think it appears that way. I believe we all have our own issues with the individual and it revolves around the same basic underlying 2 issues - "Selfishness -in the way that they don't think about how their actions affect others" and "constantly having to walk on egg shells for them when they stomp all over yours."
We do those two things all the time. All of us!! We aren't perfect! I'M FAR FROM PERFECT!! I'm stubborn, loud, too straight-forward, harsh and sound conceded from time to time. I like peoples imperfectness, actually I really enjoy this individuals uniquenesses; they are so care free, have a hippy-love to them; when they smile and do goofy things they light up the room.. I'm jealous of their quirkiness's!
But when you approach someone and tell them that how they are acting hurts your feelings and that you feel that they are "choosing" others over you and that they don't seem to care that their actions affect others. And they get upset and start a fight about other petty things and tell you that you hurt their feelings immensely and that you owe them an apology... its just too much for me. Too much drama, too much he said she said, its too much!!!.... It has made me give up on that individual. It pains me to say that. It pains me to have lost such a great individual in my life, but after weighing the events and time and energy... I give up.
I have decided not to invite them anywhere anymore. I have decided to delete any comments they make or emails they send. No more answering the phone for them to start a fight. No more worrying about if I'm hurting their feelings or not.... this time I really am done.
Sadly, sadly enough.
