I have been feeling caught between worlds, one world which I know and one that is not yet decided. And because I have been feeling caught, I believe I have not been the best person, worker or friend that I can be.
When I emotionally feel stressed or unsure of things I have a tendency to become moody and not quite myself. To others I seem distant, uncaring and cold; but really I'm freaked out, stressed and scared shit less. My poker face is good when its life and not just a game.
I hate knowing that I am being the silent me. I see myself pushing others away, getting irritated easily and picking fights; but its hard for me to stop. back track. apologize. be forgiven. and move on.
Because I have felt this way I have gone into hiding more than usual. I'm a social person, if I were rich Id be a classic socialite. I thrive on group activities, but I have been alone and in my own little world recently and slowly stressing my way into sickness and who knows what else.
All of this because of my uncertainties of the future. My future.
Thank you to all friends who let me have my moments and don't take them personally, I'm sorry to those who do, its not your fault-its mine.
As the months draw nearer to then end of Japan as I know it, I know it will only get worse. Bear with me my dear friends... bear with me.
1 comment:
Aaah, sometimes you need a little downtime...
Going home is gonna be stressful, I can't imagine what it's like and don't wanna think about it for myself!
I hope you can make the last two months as fun as possible!!
Post a Comment