Its the final stretch and I feel more lost than ever.
I'm such a planner, I have things set way in advanced. Look up my name in the dictionary and it will state " The furthest thing from a procrastinator". With that being understood you all can sympathize with my frustration, stress and desire to give up on life. In 3 months my contract here in Japan is up and I have decided not to renew it. However, I have not been able to secure my future yet. I have been looking for a teaching job since January, I have had a few offers and turned them down and I have also gotten my hopes up and had them smashed. I hate not knowing where I will be and what I will be doing 3 months from now... for me it feels like not knowing where you will be living or how you will pay for your food tomorrow. I'm going insane and getting discouraged.
I want to give up.
I wish I were a "Giver up-er", it would make life so much easier.
So I decided that if I don't find the right job for me I wont stress and I will go back home and get a few things done (over due things) like clean my stuff out of my moms shed, help her do some house maintenance and what not. And then look for places in Hawaii and DC while I am in California and if need be start some schooling in Early Childhood Development or Special Education. That all seems so logical and you all will tell me its a great plan but its like getting second place when you know you could have gotten first if you just tried harder. I would feel like a failure if I did that. I want to start my career, in my own way, in my own apartment, doing things at my own pace (which is usually a fairly fast pace).
Changing the subject.
So I started packing up somethings, throwing things out and giving stuff away this week. Its so expensive to ship stuff home so if I do it a little at a time it shouldn't be so cost burdening. And I'm an early bird and three months is not long so it made sense to start now. I also started thinking about the things I want to accomplish, do and see before I leave Japan. Most of which include finding time to do "Quality" things with those whom I care about here. Its sad to think that another stage in my life has passed. Nagai, Japan is home and leaving home is never easy. Even if you swear you are going to visit.
For those of you out there reading this whom are getting ready to leave too, good luck to you.
2 comments:
I've enjoyed keeping up with your blog. Good luck and I know you'll land on your feet. Don't give up! Just make sure where you land is some place great! Maybe I'll be able to come visit then!
Yeah, I wouldn't worry yet! A lot can happen in three months!
I would love for you to stay in Japan, but hey, that's for selfish reasons :)
I think with your knowledge and skills you should be able to get a job easily, especially once you are back in the States and can have face to face interviews and things.
And as you might have noticed, I am a planner too! Many times people have asked me to go out that very night and 9 times out of ten I will say no...'cause it wasn't in my plans! Or maybe I'm just anti-social sometimes. :)
Anyway, I am looking forward to having good times with you in the next three months, and only wish that we had met earlier!!
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