Caught between worlds

I often find myself caught between worlds.

I wonder if this is because I grew up in split households. Living primarily at my mothers and every few months visiting my father for a week or two at a time. Then when I graduated high school I moved to Hawaii splitting my life from two to three. Then I moved to France where I found a whole new side of me. To where I am now in life - Japan.

I find a piece of the real me in each place, but the entire me no where. I feel as if no matter how hard I try I cant be complete because I'm spread too many places. My dearest and oldest friends in Southern California. My big family in Northern California. My "let my hair down" wild side in France. My serious hard working side in both Hawaii and Japan.

Please take note that the "love of my life" is no where on that list. Maybe that's what I'm missing. I often wonder - if I let down my guard and actually give love a chance AND FIND love no less.. maybe I will feel more complete and more in "one place" than I do now. But then I counter argue and think- Does love really change you. And if your love is a true love shouldn't it allow you to be you. And if it allows me to be me then I shouldn't change that much and I would feel the same just with someone at my side. Maybe I over think and analyze things, but then again maybe thinking too much is a good thing.

I guess my point is that I'm ready to "be in one place". I want to feel like my life is ________ (fill in where ever it is I'm supposed to be). I want to feel complete instead of torn. I want the whole package!!! I WANT IT ALL (just joking... had to add that for sarcasm and drama). Does anyone else in the world feel this way?? Or is it just my "situation" in life??